As I have been reminded many times of the importance of purpose and taking agency over the decisions in my life, I see it again in a Harvard Business School instructor comment about HBS Graduates:
“I can guarantee you that not a single one of them graduated with the deliberate strategy of getting divorced and raising children who would become estranged from them. And yet a shocking number of them implemented that strategy.”
So a bunch of really really smart people had their lives turn out different than they planned or even intended or even dreamed of. It is not a matter of resources or smarts.
“The reason? They didn’t keep the purpose of their lives front and center as they decided how to spend their time, talents, and energy.”
Now this brings up two points.
- did these people KNOW, or are they aware of the “Purpose” of their lives? Or was their purpose just at odds with the family and kids?
- Did they understand the amount of Agency they had in their own lives?
Agency and Purpose are intertwined. And Purpose comes in different forms. What has happened in my own life that led to my divorce was that the Purpose toward which I spent the vast majority of my time, talent, and energy (career and money) ended up in opposition to the Purpose of getting married and sharing my life with my wife. I didn’t realize that until it was too late. In fact, I thought I was doing it all right. Grow up, get married, then make lots of $$ to take care of the family and give them all the opportunities in life. Put my needs behind the needs of the family for money. But the balance got off. And half my money left with half my heart. It is a common story. One that can be avoided with more awareness of a couple things.
- What is the purpose toward which 90-95% of your time, talent, and energy is going.
- Is that in alignment with your my long term goals?
- Am I exercising the Agency that I do have to choose the purpose that I am supporting with the time, talent and energy?
In the past I have gotten into trouble when:
- I have not stopped to ask the above three questions
- I have not recognized the amount of Agency I do have and exercised the Agency. I have let others decide for me.